The Pursuit of Happiness

I’m not a Kid Cudi fan but at a music festival one year a singer/songwriter belted out his song “Pursuit of Happiness” as if she’d written it herself.  Though not all of the lyrics were as profound at the song’s title, the words in the chorus resonated with me:

“I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good”.

[Read the rest of the lyrics à  Kid Cudi - Pursuit Of Happyness Lyrics | MetroLyrics]

Most of us spend our lifetime in the pursuit of what we consider to be happiness. Whether it’s a loving relationship, a great job, plenty of money in the bank or just inner peace and self-confidence, we’re all on this search at some point … and some of us go on this journey more than once – I know I have taken multiple trips in this pursuit.

I had to sought happiness at various points in my life.  

In middle school, I was battling teen angst and parental control to find my personal identity.  I was pursuing the happiness of individuality and independence.  I believed that being able to make my own choices would result in happiness.  

As a result, I was allowed to choose my own high school and then I was in the pursuit of happiness through my activities. .I was active in many clubs, was a student journalist and was on flagline.  In that stage of life, happiness meant having great friends, great relationships and great times. I believed that other people and popularity was the key to happiness.  

In college, happiness was pursued through campus-connected accomplishments – joining a sorority, making the Dean’s List, internships, graduation.  I believed that being a great student with visible notoriety on-campus (and off) were my main goals and would guarantee me a job after I graduated.  The more I could show them I did, the better off I would be.  Yet, all the while, I was still pursuing individuality, independence, activities, friendships, relationships and good times.  These multiple pursuits were sometimes difficult to manage and balance.  

After graduating college, my pursuit was more professional … It was still mostly about accomplishments, but then my happiness was based on what would build my resume.  I believed that what I did for a living was the key to impressing people and therefore was the key to happiness. This too was difficult as battling over what I truly loved to do and what would be impressive to others.  Status mattered. 

Each time I achieved these stages of “happiness” I thought I was good. I thought everything would be fine … And at each stage – though I was happy to have reached my goals and my personal victories – something was always missing.  True happiness eluded me every time … and now I know why.

Though I have gained happiness in all of ways I stated above, it was never about me. It was about other people -- and their expectations of me.  

Even in accomplishing small triumphs of independence as a youth, I was never fully in control of my life.  I was never fully able to (or encouraged to) pursue personal happiness – fulfilling my long-time desires and dreams.   I was always answering to someone – my parents, my teachers, my friends, my colleagues, my supervisors … and now for the first time, I want to be a little selfish and answer to the girl that’s been screaming to be heard since middle school.

I want to ignore the rules of academia and Corporate America (and any traditional career). I want to forget about the expectations of society, my parents and anyone who chooses to judge me.  I want to pursue the ultimate happiness … I want to finally have happiness within and inspire it in others.

I want to be able to have everything I had before, but not feel empty or like something is missing. 

I want to know that no matter what school I go to, how many accolades I get, how many degrees I obtain, how many great jobs I have … when I look in the mirror, I’m okay with me.  Because none of that matters if you're miserable or living a lie.   

I want to know that every day I’m living my purpose and not just helping someone else live theirs while I slowly die inside.  

I don't want to just pursue happiness -- I want to exude it. I want to live it. 

And look, I know it won’t always be sunshine and roses, but the storms and thorns will be much easier to bear.

“I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good”